“The measure of civilization is how
people treat one another.” (Sean Carroll)
In
a recent conversation I had with my twenty-something daughter, she asked me, as
a management professor and consultant, why I thought so many CEOs were jerks.
(Note that although my daughter is well-informed, she does not work in the
corporate world and certainly does not know any CEOs personally.) I proceeded
to explain to her that this was not necessarily the case, that there were far
more CEOs who were nice and civil and who were nonetheless successful. And not
all jerk CEOs are successful. For example, Uber’s founder Travis Kalanick
resigned recently due to the toxic culture that he had created in the company.
She was not convinced, perhaps because of “availability bias,” where news and
events that are memorable or have been in the headlines tend to be remembered
more vividly.
Take
for example Elon Musk, another larger-than-life CEO who can be characterized as
someone less than civil in his behavior. In a recent article about him entitled
Musk vs. Musk in the Wall Street Journal,
the authors described an incident at Tesla’s factory in Fremont, California,
where the assembly line stopped because safety sensors detected that people
were in the way. Well, Musk got furious and started head-butting the front end
of a car on the assembly line. He just wanted the cars to keep moving. And when
a senior manager explained that this was a safety measure, Musk told him to get
out and fired him on the spot. According to the article, more than 50 vice
presidents or higher have left Tesla in the past two years. Despite this, Musk
(like Jobs a decade ago) is fawned over and admired by many – who then conclude
that being a jerk is perhaps a prerequisite to being a successful leader.
In
this highly polarized political world, civility might seem outdated or
old-fashioned, but it has a long history. George Washington even wrote a book
about it. Skim George Washington’s Rules
of Civility and Decent Behavior, which he wrote when he was fourteen, and
there is a refreshing timeless feel to it. For example:
•
Every
action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are
present.
•
The
gestures of the body must be suited to the discussion you are upon.
•
Speak
not evil of the absent, for it is unjust.
•
Don’t
ruin a good apology with a bad excuse.
•
Wherein
you reprove another be unblameable yourself, for example is more prevalent than
precepts.
And
over the years the Cub and Boy Scouts of America have kept certain rules of
civility and taught millions of boys the importance of respect and civility. However,
as documented by the Civility in America report, 69% of Americans in 2018
reported that there is a problem with civility in America today, up from 65% in
2010. Furthermore, 84% have at one time or another experienced incivility; in
2018, Americans reported an average of 10.6 incivility encounters per week.
What
about in the workplace? Professor Christine Porath has estimated that 98% of
workers have experienced incivility, with 50% experiencing incivility weekly. The
interviews and discussions I have had with managers seem to confirm this. Why?
According to Porath’s research (Porath, 2016), over 60% claim they are “overloaded”
and just have no time to be nice. Based on my own experience in coaching
managers, I agree; the stress and pressures on managers to deliver results
quickly, and with fewer resources, will continue unabated. There will be some
managers (as many as fifty percent, according to research by Hogan) who will
show their “dark side” under such circumstances. Professor Sutton has called
such managers “bossholes” (Sutton, 2010), and documents some of the effects
these managers have on their workers, e.g., declines in physical and mental
health, higher anxiety levels, loss of motivation and job satisfaction.
There
are at least three other reasons for the prevalence of incivility. First, some leaders
mistake civility with being “too nice,” and fear that people will take
advantage of them, and that they will not be seen as authoritative leaders if they
are too nice. And some organizational cultures reinforce this. Many years ago,
when I started to work for a major multinational firm based in New York, I
quickly learned that to be seen as a leader, I had to be somewhat rude and
aggressively interrupt others at meetings to make my point.
Second,
research has shown that having more power and higher status can make some
managers overly self-confident, arrogant, less likely to listen to others, and
more condescending – the beginnings of incivility! And the higher up they are,
the more pervasive this becomes – creating a vicious cycle; high-status and
high-power leaders tend not to listen and dismiss negative feedback, while
those lower in the organization learn not to give them any negative feedback
and simply tell them how great they are. Third, studies show that individuals
who show a lot of self-confidence, aggressiveness, and dominance tend to be
seen as “leader-like” and therefore tend to be selected and promoted more often
than those who don’t show these qualities. This is in spite of the evidence
that those individuals who show humility, empathy, kindness and build trust
tend to be more effective leaders.
Unfortunately,
incivility has many negative consequences. One recent study found that 78% of people who experience uncivil
behavior from their colleagues become less committed to the organization; 66%
suffer decline in overall performance; 47% deliberately spend less time at
work; and 25% take their frustrations out on customers.
Let’s
define what we mean by workplace incivility; I’ll use the definition offered by
Schilpzand et al. (2016): “low-intensity deviant workplace behavior with an
ambiguous intent to harm” such as “talking down to others, making demeaning
remarks, and not listening to somebody.” In other words, incivility is less intense
than aggression, violence, or bullying and is not overtly seen as harmful; it can
come not only from managers but also from coworkers or customers. Here are
other examples of incivility: devaluing and discouraging, condescending
language or voice intonation, impatience with questions or phone calls, being
reprimanded in front of others, insulting the intelligence of a co-worker,
argumentative behavior, sending nasty or sarcastic e-mails, and making
unreasonable requests.
So
incivility is different from being demanding, or the occasional outburst by a
manager who gets upset by, say, a worker underperforming or for not letting him
or her know about a mistake she made that might cost the company. I am not
advocating that managers treat employees with kid gloves, becoming being overly
nice and avoiding any criticism for fear of hurting their feelings. In fact, managers
who set high standards and have high expectations for their team, who are
raising the bar regularly to get better results, but who do it in ways that
respect their subordinates and where a relationship of trust has been
established – these managers get great results and build a team of engaged and
motivated workers. Being uncivil - and worse, being abusive - is never
acceptable. When there is a climate of incivility in a work group or team, you
will know it. While this is often triggered by the manager, it can also be
perpetuated by co-workers. However, it is the manager’s primary responsibility
to call attention to it and to make it clear that such behaviors will not be
tolerated.
However,
I believe that civility may be making a comeback for the following reasons.
First, a desire by workers to be treated with dignity and respect, especially
when the wage gaps between senior management and lower-level employees have
widened and where employees see that the economic system has not been fair to
many of them.
In a study of nearly 20,000 employees around the world (conducted with Harvard Business Review), Porath (2016)
found that the most important thing that employees want from their leader is
respect.
“No other leadership behavior had a bigger effect on
employees across the outcomes we measured. Being treated with respect was more
important to employees than recognition and appreciation, communicating an
inspiring vision, providing useful feedback — or even opportunities for
learning, growth, and development. However, even when leaders know that showing
respect is critical, many struggle to demonstrate it.”
Second,
an increase in the percentage of millennials (roughly between the ages of 22-37
in 2018) in the workplace and their desire for greater transparency and candor.
It has been projected that by 2019, millennials will be the largest living
adult population in the U.S., and by 2020, nearly half the working population
will be comprised of millennials. Millennials have grown up with technology,
and in general are more socially conscious, and they expect their employers to
act in socially conscious ways. They are perhaps less tolerant of rude,
uncivilized behavior than other generations. They were raised by parents who
were more respectful of them and their views than perhaps their parents’
parents were (“Just shut up and do as you are told.”).
Third,
a greater emphasis by organizations on values and behaviors in addition to
results. Since Jack Welch introduced his famous 2 X 2 matrix of behaviors (on
one dimension) and results (on the other dimension), many organizations have
introduced values, competencies and behaviors as part of what they believe
employees should be evaluated on. While many organizations pay lip service to
this, there are a growing number that actually take this seriously and base
promotion decisions not only on results but also whether employees exhibit the
right behaviors.
Fourth,
the pursuit of attracting and retaining the best talent by many organizations.
Google and other firms may offer free food and many perks, but more important
for many talented individuals today is joining a firm with a positive culture.
For millennials in particular, this means an environment where they have
meaningful work, are given opportunities to develop, and whether they feel that
the organization not only values but practices meritocracy.
I
don’t pretend to imagine for a moment that incivility, and its extreme, abusive
behavior by bosses, will disappear overnight. Here are three quick pieces of
advice for individuals. First, take Porath’s civility test (http://www.christineporath.com/take-the-assessment/), preferably along with a trusted
colleague, and discuss your results. What does civility mean to you, and do you
value it? Does it help define who you are and who you want to be? If so, what
is getting in the way? Second, hold back
and think before you speak, act, or tweet. Be careful about acting on your
first impulses. We often say things in the heat of the moment that we regret
afterwards, and exercising self-restraint is more often than not a good thing. Third,
be courageous in pointing out uncivil behavior in others; at the same time, own
your mistakes. The latter is advice from two former social secretaries and
special assistants to U.S. presidents (Berman and Bernard, 2018). If you are
wrong, apologize and say so; be clear and do not blame others or circumstances.
Berman,
L. and Bernard, J. (2018). Treating People Well: The Extraordinary Power of
Civility at Work and in Life. New York: Scribner.
Carroll,
S. (2016). The Serengeti Rules: The Quest
to Conquer How Life Works and Why It Matters. Princeton, NJ: Princeton
University Press.
Porath,
C. (2016). Mastering Civility: A
Manifesto for the Workplace. New York: Grand Central Publishing.
Schilpzand,
P. et al. (2016). Workplace Incivility: A Review of the Literature and Agenda
for Future Research. Journal of
Organizational Behavior, 37: 57-88.
